The Wolf and The Flower
by F-Ayodele
Summary: Remus Lupin has a secret.
1. Chapter 1

The Wolf and the Doe

By: F_Ayodele

Chapter One – The Beast

**Disclaimer – I do not own Harry Potter.**

He hated it. He hated everything about it. He hated that it was apart of him, and such a big part as well. He hated the scars. He hated the fact that it ruled his life. He hated that he couldn't tell his friends _everything…_that he had to keep so many important secrets from them. He hated himself. He hated that he hated himself.

Remus sat looking up at the rotting form of the Shrieking Shack. He breathed in and out, deeply; in rhythm with the cold breeze. The muscles on his arms were illuminated by the developing full moon above, his jaw clenching and unclenching. His hair was being tousled by the soft wind. He was looking at the ground, watching as ants made their way around his shoe.

The waiting. The waiting was the worst part. He had been there since sunset, waiting for that painful sensation that signaled his passage from boy to beast. Part of him wanted it to never come. The other part favored that side of him; when he could forget that stupid life of his and just let go…sit in the back seat as the beast steered itself without destination, direction or purpose.

Suddenly, he threw himself on the ground, feeling his arms and legs burn as they pulled and stretched. They must have torn, and surely, his bones must have broken into clean halves. His jaw was being forcefully torn from his mouth. _Hello, stranger, _thought Remus.

The monster was here.

It ran into the forest almost immediately – and sniffed the bark on the trees, then slowly turned its blank, murky blue eyes to look at a spot between the trees a few feet away from where it was standing. The monster licked his lips.

Within seconds, it pounced.

The rabbit was dead instantly, but it was still painful and disgusting to watch the wolf rip its head off and suck the meat clean off of its bones. _Damn, _Remus hated the full moon. When the wolf was done with its meal, it desperately looked around for more, sticking its sensitive nose into the night air. It sniffed around the trees. It inhaled the scent of the dirt, making the ants scatter… Remus was disgusted that it was still hungry. The beast was tired, hungry, longing for something. Frustrated, it bit itself. Its sharp teeth sunk into its skin, drawing blood. Remus felt the pain and hysterically cried out for help that would never come, but the beast yelped and simply moved on, unscathed, unaffected. It bit itself once more, and then scampered off into the deep dark gorge that was the Forbidden Forest.

Remus Lupin hated, _hated _full moons.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Honeydukes**

**Disclaimer – I disclaim!**

It stunk. It was a damp, old rotting smell, as if the rats in there had died over a month ago. He was sticking to the floor, and his mind was groggy and slow, taking long for him to wake up and process the image in front of him.

Sunlight leaked through the broken windows, and bright light bounced off the stray glass on the dust laden floor. There were deep footprints in the dust and Remus felt like sneezing just by looking at all of it. He stood up and turned around, to find that he wasn't the only one in the shack.

He had company. Familiar, yet unwanted company.

"Hey Remus!" said James, as if he hadn't just found his friend in an abandoned shack in Hogsmeade. "How's it going?"

"Er, James…hi. Hey Sirius."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.

"What're you guys doing down here?" Remus asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Funny," said Sirius. "We were about to ask you the same thing."

"Well…um, say, what time is it?"

"Sometime past noon," said James.

"_What? _I missed that much of the school day?!"

"It's Hogsmeade weekend," Sirius raised the other brow.

"Oh! Oh." Remus sighed with weary relief.

"You still haven't answered our question," James said, after a brief moment of silence.

"What question?"

"What are you doing down here? And what's with your robes?" asked Sirius.

"My robes? What do you mean?"

James laughed. "Meaning you have none, mate."

Hogsmeade was extremely cold…Remus was grateful James and Sirius took him seriously and brought back his robes as soon as they could. Not only was it getting colder in that shack, but the shack also managed to scare him, if only a little bit. It creaked as the winter breeze blew and it had little, unidentifiable animals scurrying around. He was happy to have left.

Peter was waiting for them at Honeydukes, having already spent half of the money he had. He smiled when he saw Remus, James, and Sirius walking towards him.

"Remus, mate! Where've you been?" he wrapped one arm around his friend shoulder, an over-enthusiastic smile on his face. "I just got out of Honeydukes and they've got jumbo sugar quills-"

"Save it, Pete. Here, I've got nothing to do with it anyway." Remus fished in his pocket and brought out two Galleons, eight sickles. He gave Peter half.

"Thanks," Peter said quickly, and vanished into the brightly colored Honeydukes store.

Sirius shook his head. "Git," he muttered, and then followed him into the candy shop, followed by James and Remus.

Almost immediately, Remus was hit with the scent of sweetness and sugar. It was extremely colorful inside; even the walls seemed to be made of candy. A little Hufflepuff third year was watching a chocolate mocking bird fly around the ceiling with wonder, and a Slytherin fifth year was poking little gummy men with a toothpick. The owner of the store sat behind a counter with red cheeks and an ear-to-ear smile on his face.

Several of their classmates were there; Roshana Amatulli was there, her back to them as she picked out which lollipops she wanted. Molly Prewett was deciding whether or not she wanted Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Lily Evans seemed to be in an intense conversation with Severus Snape.

She was talking while slightly leaning forward, as if she didn't want anyone else to hear, and Snape didn't look too happy about whatever she was telling him. One of his hands was clenched in a fist and his face was steadily turning red.

Sirius elbowed James lightly and pointed in their direction. James smirked.

He raised his wand above his head and aimed carefully, and with stunning precision, threw his wand directly at Severus' face.

"OOPS," yelled James. "I SEEMED TO HAVE DROPPED MY WAND."

Lily sighed and rubbed her temples. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" snapped Severus. "People to annoy? Classes to fail?"

"Amazingly enough," said James, taking off his glasses and cleaning them on his shirt. "I don't have _anywhere _to be. I can spend the rest of the day with my Little Lily!" He wrapped his arms around her, and she turned around and whipped her hand across his face.

"Honestly!" she huffed. "Can't you be a little less of a…" She paused, thinking. "Pigheaded wannabe Dumbledore-never gonna happen-messy haired-look at me I just rolled out of bed-I hex people cause I'm so awesome-you wish you were me-watch me snog every girl I lay my eyes on- jerk!"

"But I'm the 'Pigheaded wannabe Dumbledore-never gonna happen-messy haired-look at me I just rolled out of bed-I hex people cause I'm so awesome-you wish you were me-watch me snog every girl I lay my eyes on- jerk' that you love, Little Lily." James gave her his best smile.

Lily growled in frustration and grabbed Severus' arm. "Come on," she muttered, dragging him towards the candied toadstools.

"Don't be long, Little Lily," James sighed, leaning on the acid pop display.

"Tactful, James," said Remus, shaking his head. "I bet she fancies you after that."

James ignored him, picked up a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, and began eating them. "I bet if I ask her to Slughorn's party…."

"But…you weren't invited, James," said Remus, carefully eyeing the manager to make sure he wasn't looking.

"But _she _was…and since _she_ fancies _me_…"

Remus watched with an amused look on his face as James droned on and on about his and Lily's future life together. _He doesn't even know her, _he thought. Which was partly true. When their third year started, Lily had taken Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, which meant that she and James didn't have the same schedules. James hadn't really talked to her.

But Remus had taken all her classes, which resulted in the fact that he was on speaking terms with her. But James didn't have to know that.

"…and we'll have four kids, and grow old together." James finished, a smile of ecstasy on his face. "Yes…it's perfect!"

"What?" asked Remus, snapping out of his thoughts.

"I'll ask her to the Party." James stood up, and Sirius grabbed the bag of candy from him.

"Good luck with that," said Remus, stepping aside as he saw the owner stomping towards them, a not-so-happy look on his face. Peter scrambled away towards some other display. James still wasn't paying attention – and neither was Sirius – until the owner grabbed them by the scruffs of their necks and literally threw them out.

"_Never step foot in my shop again!" _he roared. Then, grumbling, he waddled back into his shop. Peter was the last out, a smile on his face and a paid-for chocolate bar in his hand.

"You guys are banned now," he pointed out, most helpfully. "Mr. Connelly is already putting out posters."

"Thanks, Pete," said James, standing up and padding a snowball together, preparing to throw it at him. He raised his arm above his head-

"_Stop! _Stop, you prat!"

Lily grabbed his arm. "Don't throw it at him! Stop!" James dropped the snow, and stared at Lily questioningly. He didn't have anything to say. Sirius sniggered behind his hand. Peter looked slightly triumphant. Remus was smiling, holding back laughter.

"Why are you so _rude, _Potter? What has Pettigrew ever done to you?"

"Uh…I-"

"Exactly! And then later, you put on those puppy dog eyes and expect everyone to forgive you! One day, Potter, all your misdeeds will come back to bite you." Lily vowed, her arms crossed.

"I'd like to see them try."

She hit him again. This time, it was especially hard, and James teetered backwards onto the snow. Lily looked a little guilty, a little triumphant. "That was for hugging me and using that _awful_ nickname." James looked up at her, with huge eyes and a red face. Lily gasped, as if realizing what she had done, and, reluctantly, held out a gloved hand. James took it, and just as Remus had expected, pulled himself up and kissed Lily on the cheek.

Her face went red were his lips had been, and the redness continued to grow until it was blotchy and angry. Remus decided it was his time to step in.

"Oh, hi, Lily," he said, a little too brightly. "How about that Ancient Runes homework? Personally, I couldn't figure it out-"

"_Merlin, _Potter! How could you be so-" Lily ignored him, nearly screaming.

"And I'm pretty sure the Professor wouldn't give us homework that's unsolvable-" Remus went on, speaking a little louder.

"You never learn! You're insufferable…weedy-"

"So I was wondering-"

"I _hate _you!"

Her voice echoed through Hogsmeade, making some passerby stop out of curiosity. James' playful smile slid off his face, and he stared at her, his face a mixture of pain and confusion. Once their eyes met, she ran off toward the castle.

"James, mate-" Sirius began. But before he could finish, James ran off in the opposite direction, towards The Three Broomsticks. Sirius followed him.

Remus looked at Peter, a look of exasperation on his face. "What?" Peter asked. "It wasn't my fault this time."

"I know," Remus answered, rubbing his temples. It really _wasn't _Peter's fault. He looked back towards the castle, and Lily's figure was no longer visible. "I'll be right back." He said, and ran in that direction.

It wasn't very easy, running in the snow. Remus was tired and feeling a little impatient by the time he reached the common room, and felt downright angry when he saw that Lily wasn't there. He collapsed on a chair near the fire and closed his eyes.

"Do you still need help on the homework?"

Remus sat up very quickly. Lily was sitting in the chair across from him, and her eyes were red and puffy.

"Erm…no thanks, I think I've got it."

There was a pause. "You fell asleep," she said.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. What was that about? In Hogsmeade?" Lily's face went red and angry again. "Err…never mind," Remus said quickly. "I was just thinking…you seemed pretty harsh."

"Well…James was being an idiot." She crossed her arms. Her voice held a note of finality, and Remus didn't say anything else. "I'm sorry." She said, not looking him in the eye. "I know he's your mate, but he's just so annoying sometimes."

"I know," Remus said softly, chuckling. Nobody said anything for a long time, before Remus said "Good night", just as Peter, Sirius and James climbed through the portrait hole.

Just then, Lily stood up and tapped on Remus' shoulder. "Err…Remus? I have a question."

Remus turned around and saw the red face of James before he stomped passed him to the dormitory. "Erm…ask away."

She took a deep breath, and then:

"Will you go to the party with me?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Wake up, mate! The sun is shining, the birds are singing…" James sang. "AND MY BEST MATE JUST TOTALLY RUINED MY CHANCES WITH THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS!"

Remus felt something hot on his ear. Figuring James had just hexed him, his eyes flew wide open to find that it was a dream. And the something hot on his ear…it wasn't the unfortunate results of a hex, but in fact, it was Peter's hot breath as he rolled on top of Remus.

"MERLIN'S BEARD, PETER! YOU HAVE YOUR OWN BED!" he yelled as he scrambled out of bed.

Peter jumped and fell flat on his face on the hard, dormitory floor. He struggled to his feet and looked up at Remus, his watery brown eyes pleading.

"I had a bad dream. And you were the only person I knew wouldn't hex me."

"I'm in the right mind to do it," Remus muttered.

"But you won't."

Remus sighed and realized that the rest of the boys were waking up. Peter noticed this, too.

"Please," he whispered. "Don't tell them."

Before Remus could answer, Sirius spoke. "Merlin, Remus," he said rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "You were yelling like a house-elf was trying to eat your skin clean off."

"Something like that." He half-glanced at Peter, who seemed to be letting out a long, slow, sigh. "What's the date?" he asked suddenly.

"Saturday," answered Peter. "Hogsmeade weekend." He added, as an excited look crossed his face. "Honeydukes got a new shipping today! A new flavor of lollipops, I heard."

"Peter," said James irritably, throwing his comforter off of him. "If you keep eating candy, you'll get fat."

~*!*~

"_Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts_-"

"Shut up, Peter. You're not even singing it right. It goes like this: _Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts, teach us something please! Whether we be old and bald, or young with scabby knees-"_

"Sirius, you're not singing it right either. It's-"

"Please. Just stop it. I have a headache."

"Sorry, Remus."

"Sorry, Remus."

"Sorry, mate."

Remus sighed and chugged the last of his butterbeer. The warmth of the drink spread throughout him, and he was thankful for it. He looked all around the crowded pub. The bar was neatly polished, with holly and mistletoe drapped across it for the holidays. Madame Rosmerta was offering a new drink, special for the time of year: butterbeer with peppermint and cinnamon. The pub was full to bursting, and there was the peculiar smell of alcohol and gingerbread hanging in the air. Even Severus Snape, who had been bitter ever since Lily had asked Remus out, was drinking a large mug of warm peppermint butterbeer. Even though the pub was so crowded, he was sitting alone.

"I'll be right back," said Remus.

Sirius looked at him for a second, then said, "Er, okay. Don't die."

Remus laughed. He went all the way to the bar, asked for a refill, then sat at the only other seat at Severus' table. Remus waited for Severus to notice him.

"If James dared you to come over here, you can just go back." he said, not looking up from the nearly empty mug. "It's not that fun if the subject knows that a prank is being pulled."

"No, actually, they don't know I'm over here."

"So why are you over here?"

"I wanted to ask you a question."

Severus nodded. He looked down at the table. "And I have to tell you something. So I guess your timing is perfect."

"Well, then, by all means, go first."

Severus cleared his throat. He put a greasy strand of hair that had fallen in his face behind his ear. "Erm...I've been, sort of, watching you."

Remus blinked, and tried to remain calm. "Oh?"

"Not like that!" said Severus quickly, and Remus released the breath he had been holding and looked down at the table. "Oh, Merlin, of course not like that. I mean...I've been noticing...patterns."

"Patterns? Like what?" asked Remus, a little too innocently.

"Like," Severus cleared his throat. "Like how you're always absent when there's a full moon."

Remus looked up at the frighteningly calm face of Severus Snape. His black eyes seemed to roam over Remus', for any sign of shock, for any sign of terror. But Remus kept his face emotionless. "And I've been noticing how you refuse to wash your hair, but I don't say anything about it." he said, venomously.

Severus wavered for a fraction of a second before recomposing himself. "And I've been noticing how you've been throwing yourself all over my friend. It's disgusting."

"Disgusting? Severus, you are the _last person _who should be talking about disgusting_, _with robes like yours."

"_You _are the last person who should be talking about robes like mine, with robes like yours."

Severus' mouth slowly curved into a smile when he realized that Remus had no retort. "Listen, Lupin. I don't want to fight with you." He leaned in until his face was literally an inch away from Remus'. "But if you go out with Lily, I'll tell everyone your secret."

Remus was reminded of this morning, when he had sworn to tell everyone Peter's secret. "I don't know-"

"I know you're a werewolf. The only question is, when will everyone else know? It's a simple thing, really. Don't go out with her, I won't tell. Is that clear?"

* * *

_A/N-Sorry I haven't been updating...my motherboard melted. I'll be updating everytime I can get a computer!_


End file.
